Step Into My Shoes.

      To better know me an my position I thought I'd show you where I am coming from.

This was me about a year ago before I got pregnant and I was probably under 110lbs.

I started modeling a few months before these pictures were taken,so I was just starting to get the hang of being comfterable infront of a stranger and half naked in the streets of Richmond city.


 I have always been a smaller framed girl and I never had to work out. I was gifted with a fast metabolism. If i gained weight and knew it I would stop eating fast food and eat real food an drop the weight without a single workout. Now that I look back on it I would love to kick my own ass. Although I was small I was also self conscious, and what girl isn't. But at the time and when i was modeling I felt accomplished, I felt like the pictures made me feel pretty. I felt like when I was behind the camera I could be whatever I wanted at that moment.
Shortly after, and I mean like a month or so after, I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't upset about it, I knew things would change. They did more then I thought they would. I lead a active pregnacy, I biked, I went target shooting every weekend, I walked ( which untimatly helped pull a back muscle) I didn't just sit on my ass an get fat. I was active and got fat!
I ate cupcakes my the dozen and icecream daily. I always ate whatever I wanted but I never wanted sweets all the time, I would rarly go for icecream or eat desert.
So pregnacy was unpleasent painful and gross. Don't get me wrong I loved knowing I was carrying a child both my husband and I created out of the amazing love an pasion we have for eachother, but it wasnt glamerous anymore. Shit got real! I was probably 65 lbs maybe more over the weight I started at. I was 113 lbs when I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks.
So after my beautiful baby was here....

(Kingston at 2 months)

This was it....

I was looking in the mirror thinking "OMG get me out of this fat suit!!"

I was never over the weight of 120. I had no idea what to do how to dress this body I was not forced to look at everyday and obsesse over every second. I felt hopeless, they say breast feeding will help you drop the weight. Thats bullshit! I gained it. Not much, but still!
After week 5 of breast feeding for several reasons I stopped. By then I knew it was time to work out hard an get my act and body into gear. I started working out with my fellow Junkie for motivation and support. Her being a mom and wife she understood.
When I first started working out, I was sore all the time I thought I must be doing something right if I feel the muscles growing. But I seemed to be gaining still. I felt hopless, discuraged, and still fat!
It has been very hard for me. I felt like I was looking my best before all this,comfortable in my skin for the most part. And now that I wasn't losing I was so far from what I use to be. I thought,"how will my husband find me atractive?"  "I am discusting!!" Stretch marks and tears and thoughts of my pre pregnacy body hunted my thoughts daily.

It has been 7 weeks since I started working out and 12 weeks since baby, just in the past 3 weeks I have been seeing the most results. I am most certian that stressing about it wasn't doing me any good. When I started counting calories and finding a goal to off set my " just lose weight" mentality I finally saw changes.

I try my best to work out everyday, mostly its 6 times a week.  In the past 3 weeks I have lost 9 lbs and seen a big difference to what I was. My skin is slowly tightening up and my stretch marks are becoming less visable.
 No where near where I want to be or where I will be,I am determined to stay working out to hopefully be better looking and more toned then I ever was. I want to set a good life example for my son.
I want to live a long happy healthy life. And my husband and I enjoy our workouts together too. Its nice to know that he too is sharing goals with me to be more healthy and try new things. I cant wait till out little buddy can join us on a bike ride or run.


              
                                     Keeping my head up and my tummy sucked in. ;)